So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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