We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
