a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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