Umm I'm too high to move.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
