I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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