Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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