Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
