sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
