Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
