Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
