Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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