Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
