worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How many fucks given?
0.12846
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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