Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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