life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
kristin has been a bad kristin
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
