im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
