glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
