hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
