I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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