I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
