Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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