it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
