But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
