If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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