If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
