once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
