I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
