just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
