Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
