So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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