Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
oh god was she eating orange peels again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
