Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
