oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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