Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
