my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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