Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
