My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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