90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
