so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
