I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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