Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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