and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My life is pants optional.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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