yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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