YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
