Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
