Will you blow on my dice?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
