My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
