is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
