Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
