I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
