she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
