Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
