Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
