I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
