Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
