Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
