my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
