If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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