listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
where am i from again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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