no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
