Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
