The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize