Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
