Apparently you make a good broom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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