Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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