i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
