No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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