Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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