I wish life had little blips of pornography
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
