I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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