it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
