he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
