the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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