i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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