apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
