matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
bring money and cleavage
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
