He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
