I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just googled if crying burns calories
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
